Without trying to sound too cliché, I’ve always wanted to help people. I absolutely love nothing more than helping others or putting a smile on another person’s face. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I’ve always found myself like a ‘flame’ to ‘moths’ who are in need (which I really don’t mind, because it’s my favourite place to be). But, once mandatory education was over, I chose a job over education - for many reasons, but mostly because I just couldn’t bear the thought of one more day in school. And, I soon became too dependent on money and followed the career path of least resistance, because I was terrified of removing my financial security net.

After far too many years of following a career path, within industries, full of people who just didn’t understand me, and that provided me nothing other than money, stress, anxiety and utter misery; I finally decided that I was going to take control of my happiness and I took the plunge.

I became a student once again! But, this time I absolutely loved it, which I think is because finally, I chose the subject and I just couldn’t hear enough of it - which, of course, led me to hyper-focus during every waking hour. Finally, the day came, where I felt my life change completely. I was at the beginning of the most wonderful chapter, and I finally felt that I had purpose - I was a qualified Life Coach and I loved every second of it.

Throughout this journey, though, I knew that there was something else I needed to change, which was preventing me from being the best version of myself. I was holding onto a lot of resentment that I wanted to be rid of. The main bulk of resentment held, was for many of my previous friends, employers and colleagues, which for a while made absolutely no sense to me at all. Eventually, I turned my life coaching onto myself and dug deep to understand what I was struggling to let go of. I found the answer - justice.

I realised that all my life people had tried to force me to conform, and then branded me a failure, belligerent and / or just a bad person, when no matter how much I tried, I just found it impossible. One of the biggest things that struck me was that, I had witnessed many of the same people - who I had suffered discrimination and victimisation from - be incredibly considerate and understanding when dealing with other people who are struggling because of other types of neurodivergence or mental health conditions.

It made me feel like ADHD was a crime. I had been born and bred in prison because of a crime that I hadn’t chosen to commit and I had very little control over many aspects of. Within the prison that I had been living in my entire life, many people would come and go, and most had tried and failed to ‘rehabilitate’ me. Of course, a small few accepted my crime, with complete love and understanding (some of which I suspected were criminals themselves) and for those people, I can’t be grateful enough. But, for the majority I came across, I was a lost cause and dropped like a hot potato whenever I refused to be rehabilitated in order to be a good person like they were (oh, the irony!).

It definitely didn’t help that I was also born female, as on top of a condition with an awful stigma, that very condition provides you with symptoms, traits, behaviours, weaknesses and strengths that society doesn’t believe are acceptable for the female species (neither the good nor the bad) - double whammy!

Refusing to allow self hate to creep in, I studied ADHD in much more depth, so I could get a better understanding of my crime and perhaps even learn how to rehabilitate myself, be able to understand and relate to those who have hurt me and be able to let go of my resentment and need for justice. It’ll be no surprise to many of you that I well and truly hyper-focused on it. Course after course, constant research - I was obsessed. And although, it was all incredibly fascinating and empowering and provided me with a long list of all the wonderful things that I have my ADHD to thank for; learning that my condition was actually a unique gift (that comes with its own set of weaknesses and difficulties, but is outweighed by incredible, desirable strengths), achieved the opposite of what I was hoping for.

It just made me feel even more resentful at the outside world. How dare they try to make me see myself as a criminal, when I have so many strengths - superpowers - that are only gifted to us lucky ones? Ironically, one of those being that powerful need for justice!

Oh, I so desperately just wanted to rant about it, but nobody really understood… the only people who could understand and fully relate were other women with ADHD, but where on earth could I find some of them? The simple answer is; I couldn’t - well, not easily, anyway.

I knew nobody like me really, and certainly not another woman who had been diagnosed with ADHD. So, I resorted to joining groups on social media. The groups were amazing and provided me with far more than I had originally gone searching to find; not only were these women uncannily like me, which gave me extreme comfort, but I found these women were the ultimate fountain of ADHD knowledge! I found more useful resources and information shared here than anywhere else I’d been - they did the best job of quenching my desire to find out more and more about this fascinating ‘condition’ and I finally felt like I had found my people (albeit virtually).

In fact, I would say that nothing could have prepared me for what I saw and how devastated I would feel. Between all the wonderful posts that had me crying with laughter, made my heart swell with love, inspired me, or highlighted a new, fascinating subject for me to hyper-focus on, there were significantly more posts that sparked a stronger, emotional reaction.

Most of what I was seeing just broke my heart. Post after post from women who were crying out for help through sheer desperation - were being ignored, pushed aside and disregarded by loved ones and ‘the system’. So many beautiful women struggling so much that they weren’t sure they could go on, and were just so incredibly desperate for support, understanding, kindness, love and belonging that they had always been denied. It became increasingly obvious, through reading the comments sections, that women with ADHD have to find their own help, have to educate their own professionals and fight them in order to gain what little help was available to them. If that wasn’t successful and they couldn’t fight anymore, get a life coach for an average of £120 per hour. If you can’t afford to spend thousands of pounds on one, sell a kidney. Once you’ve sold your kidney and have the cash, good luck finding one without an incredibly long waiting list.

Now, I suppose most people would think that I would see this as an opportunity for self-gain… nope! The thought of a person being so desperate that they would put themselves in that much debt in order to pay me for help just didn’t sit right with me at all. It felt opportunistic and like I’d be preying on the vulnerable.

I know, I know, these are people who need services like this when there is no other professional help available, so I shouldn’t feel that way. And I have a lot of respect for ADHD coaches because I know they have been miracle workers for so many people in need, who otherwise wouldn’t have found help. But for me, personally, I just felt that there must be a solution that sits somewhere between the free support on social media groups and spending thousands on life coaching. And I had to at least try to find a solution before I could even consider having an ethical debate with myself about providing life coaching to these women.

I realised that life coaching and social media groups were each lacking something significant, although the groups were close to achieving it. Their members seemed to provide far more help and support than was available out in the real world (without it costing a kidney). But, as supportive and kind as the ladies within the groups were, they lacked the ability to naturally build up more personal bonds - they were just people the same as me - strangers with a lot in common.

I wanted a friendship group with strong relationships, like the ones I see all around me but can never get more than half a foot inside of. Not only did I want that, but I felt that there are so many women with ADHD who are suffering out there, who actually need that.

I felt a deep yearning to pool together everything I had learned over the years, and go on a mission to answer the callings of those ‘strangers with a lot in common’, find a solution and offer them what I believed they needed.

It’s probably no surprise that what I ended up with was a mixture of the two. I then found 10 wonderful ‘strangers in common’ (who are now my family), who were kind enough and trusting enough to allow me to use them as ‘guinea pigs’. What we created collectively was so much more than any of us expected. This very first ‘Tribe’ became a family. We’re still a family, and have frequent contact through a group chat and video calls, and when one of us is in need, we turn to the group as our first option.

I still find it funny that - despite everything I knew about ADHD - I started the first group thinking that I would provide a kind of ‘life coaching support group’, and that I’d have to be prepared with all the answers. I was so scared of being confronted with an issue that I couldn’t offer a solution to that I almost talked myself out of it (the dreaded Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria & Imposter Syndrome!). But the obvious point that I hadn’t thought of was that, like me, all these women had problem solving brains and they love to help others.

This wasn’t a group made up of ten broken souls and one person with all the answers; this was a group of eleven incredibly strong, smart, savvy, intuitive, talented, ambitious, natural life coaches, who all care so deeply about others and have an abundance of first-hand experience with ADHD, from a woman’s perspective. They’ve often found their own strategies for so many of the problems that others were struggling with, or have the best problem-solving brains to think of solutions and strategies collectively, for fresh problems. Not only did each suggestion provided, help the rest of the group, but the individual who provided it felt truly appreciated and valued, which was a much-needed boost for their self-esteem.

It all worked magically, and I realised these ladies were probably getting more from doing this than they’d likely get from anything else. They could fill their own cups at the same time as helping fill the cups of the other ladies, and they had many more brains to rely on when they hit an obstacle.

Women with ADHD can collectively provide most of the answers that anywhere else would struggle to provide. So, why have one coach, when you can have multiple, and you know there’s no hidden agenda?